My Story

My Story: The End.

This post will just explain where I am now and how I’ve grown from the situations I’ve been in.

So now, I am 17. I have a gorgeous 4 month old girl, named Iris. I’ve just finished Childcare Level 2, doing Level 3 next year and will be doing a degree equivalent in a few years. I have the most incredible boyfriend who I can’t fault at all. He is kind, genuine and he couldn’t treat me any better.

I was also in a very toxic relationship for a year with Iris’ dad. I won’t give details but we both agreed how negative our relationship became but if it never happened, I wouldn’t have Iris or Lewis.

With regards to ‘My Story’, I’m in the best place I’ve been in since it happened. I still get moments where it really hurts but I also get moments where I see the positive changes it’s made. I’ve become more mature, more positive but also more aware. I’m less easy to trust people and in a society like this, shouldn’t we all be cautious with who we trust?

I’d like to thank everyone for reading my blog and I really appreciate all the kind words and lovely messages!

Now my story is over I’m going to continue posting but my posts will be about the pregnancy, the birth, my future, advice and anything else anyone requests. Keep an eye out on my insta as I’ll be posting to ask what you want to read!

Thank you all,

Megan x

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My Story

My Story: Year 11 (Part 3)

Please do not read if you are inconsiderate, judgemental or if this has the possibility of triggering you.

Please remember all names have been changed for data protection reasons. This post will mostly be about police and what’s happening with that.

So after I did a statement I got a call a few days later. They had put in place a support worker and an intense therapy course. I did this for a few months. During this conversation the officer told me I needed to figure out whether I was to continue now or pause the case and reopen it when I’m ready. I decided to pause the case as I was trying to keep myself together and I definitely wasn’t ready to potentially be called a liar. I was so scared the court wouldn’t believe me, this is a massive problem for women and men who have experienced something similar. That’s part of the reason why people don’t speak out about what’s happened to them, in fear we’d be called a liar.

Even now that still does scare me however, it’s been two years and I feel ready to take it to court. Although it’ll be a difficult case to win, with no biological evidence, I do have messages, I call him a rapist and he didn’t deny it. I also have all the messages proving the statutory rape, so the least he’d get is put on the sex offenders register.

The case will be reopened soon.

Megan x

My Story

My Story: Year 11 (Part 2)

Please do not read if you are inconsiderate, judgemental or if this has the possibility of triggering you.

Please remember all names have been changed for data protection reasons.

A quick recap:

So in part 1 I explained how I told my parents about what had happened. I decided to carry on going to school as I didn’t want any questions about where I was or anything.

That night me and mum had the discussion she took me to speak to a mental health nurse. While we were there I received a call from a number and I recognised the last 3 numbers. It was him. I didn’t answer and I told mum. A bit later on I got a text saying “I really need you Megan. I have no one else to turn to.” When we got home I spoke to my parents and replied saying that police and parents were aware of what happened. He then said “I need someone to listen.” So I blocked him.

I went into school on the Monday of the next week. Things continued as usual.

I invited my friend Darcy over one day during the week. I told her what had happened and I told her to not tell a soul as it was going through police and I didn’t want the embarrassment. So she decided to go into school, tell everyone, write it on toilet walls and her & two others used to follow me round the school prompting me to kill myself as I’m a ‘murderer’. This got way too far and became harassment.

The school never did anything. I told them everything that happened, bare in mind it’s exams soon. The things they did and threats they made were disgusting and distracting me from my study. Mum ended up putting me on study leave because the school refused to put them in isolation or exclude them. I was due to get A’s, B’s and an A* in one subject. I got mostly D’s. So because of the harassment I received at school it messed up my results so I was unable to do my A-Levels. I’ve retaken maths so hopefully I can do them next year.

Through all of this happening I had three friends who ended up turning their backs on me when I got another friend. (Well I assume. They randomly starting ignoring me one day and I still don’t know why) This other friend, I’m still friends with now. We can call her Natasha. She was my rock through that school. Without her I don’t think I would have gotten as far as I did. I thought & still think the absolute world of her. She is the most genuine, lovely girl I’ve ever met. So that was the only plus side to school, I met her.

Megan x

My Story

My Story: Year 11 (Part 1)

Please do not read if you are inconsiderate, judgemental or if this has the possibility of triggering you.

Please remember all names have been changed for data protection reasons.

A quick recap:

In year 10 I explained what had happened with regards to Martin. He came over and we had sex with me, without consent.

Now it’s year 11, in November. I didn’t tell anyone what had happened to me, not even my closest friends. To be honest, I hadn’t even realised it happened. I tried to justify it. “We had sex before so he was allowed to have sex with me.” But it was weird that we never spoke after it happened and it had been months. He knew exactly what he did so he avoided me.

I’m a Police Cadet for the area I live in and we had an annual parade to go to. All cadets around the area meet at headquarters, awards are given and we all march. Afterwards we had a disco in HQ. During this I was speaking to my friend Ava and told her about Martin and the situation I was in a few months prior. She told me that it was rape, whether we had sex before or not, it was rape. This completely broke me. I felt dirty, violated and used. I already felt like this before I spoke to her. My body knew what had happened to me but my head didn’t. This is very common for survivors who were raped by their ‘friend’.

I broke down during this disco and told the leaders about it. The cadet leaders are police officers so this was technically me reporting it when I thought it was just talking to an adult. They told me they had to make my parents aware as I was a minor still.

A week or so had past and my parents were still not told. I needed to talk to my mum about it so badly as she was my best friend and talking to her takes the weight off my shoulders. But I really didn’t know how to say it. So I messaged my auntie and told her start to finish everything, that I lied about his age and I told her what he did afterwards. She was in complete shock. She spoke to my mum the next morning while I was at school.

I was in chemistry and one of the pastoral officers came up and asked me to come to the office. He said “I think you know why I’ve pulled you out.” We walked into the office and, I swear, this sight will never leave my memory, my mum crying her eyes out and my dad bright red with anger. I explained, start to finish, what happened and who Martin was. My mum couldn’t stop hugging me and apologising. My dad just sat there. Didn’t say a word for a while. My mum went into a side room to call her work to say she wouldn’t be in for a while, understandably. We got into the car and went straight to a clinic, everything was okay. I also told mum that the police cadet leaders knew too. Mum and dad were fuming that they hadn’t told them.

That night we called the police and asked to do a statement. They told us that it’d have to be in a couple of days so they couldn’t come to us. Instead, we went to them. We drove to the station and I made a statement. Mum and dad were fuming that the leader hadn’t contacted them about it, they kicked off.

We went home and discussed whether I’d go to school soon or not. I took a few days off to stay at home with mum but I went back shortly after. I didn’t want people thinking anything was up.

Megan x

My Story

My Story: Year 10 (Part 4) *TRIGGER WARNING*

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING.

Please do not read if you are inconsiderate, judgemental or if this has the possibility of triggering you.

Please remember all names have been changed for data protection reasons.

A quick recap:

Its been a couple weeks since I found out I was pregnant and I went through with the termination. At this point in time, I’m off school while having a long, heavy period. Martin told me he was on his way over with films and food.

Martin arrived with Tesco bags full of food and loads of films. He came in and we watched films and ate the food. I can honestly say, he was extra lovely that day. Really sweet and very apologetic about shouting at me previously.

I was only wearing comfy clothes because of this period. (You’re not supposed to wear tampons after having a termination as everything’s really delicate) So I was wearing leggings and a comfy top.

I didn’t have an iPhone, I had a HTC but I had an iPad and I was on it 24/7. I was playing on it and it was running out of charge so I went upstairs to get the charger. Martin had followed me up and closed the door. He kissed me and said “let’s have sex”. I laughed it off and said no, I was in pain with the severe period cramps and I was obviously bleeding. He asked again and I said no and started to walk out. He grabbed my wrist, pulled me towards the bed and pushed me on it. I told him no again. He started to pull my leggings down and I tried to shove him off me; I guess that’s pretty difficult against a 6ft+, well built, male. I screamed for him to get off me. He then pushed the bottom of his hand down onto my shoulder and began to have sex with me, after I said no multiple times. After he was done, he sat up and said “I need to clean myself up”. Those words will haunt me for life. Without another word, he left.

Megan x

My Story

My Story: Year 10 (Part 3)

Please do not read if you are inconsiderate, judgemental or if this has the possibility of triggering you.

Please remember all names have been changed for data protection reasons.

A quick recap:

In part 2, I explained that Martin had gotten me pregnant at the age of 15. I found this out by going to A&E as I was suffering with vomiting. We later found out that I am a survivor Hyperemesis Gravidarum (the same as Kate Middleton). Which is a maternal liver disease which causes persistent vomiting.

My parents were not aware that I was involved with Martin. So when they found out I was pregnant, it came as a huge shock as me and the boyfriend I had, split in year 8. I spoke to Martin and told him that I was pregnant and he instantly told me to tell my parents it was someone from school and that he was 15 too. I didn’t realise he & I having sex was classed as statutory rape. I thought it was absolutely fine. He told me that we’d get in a lot of trouble if they knew his real age and name, so I went along with what he said.

Mum, Dad & I went into school the next day and spoke to my head of house to explain the situation. I lied and told her it was someone in my year. The day after this, I had a scan to check there wasn’t anything wrong.

I had a big decision to make. Keep the pregnancy or have a termination. Obviously, still completely manipulated by Martin, I went to him so we could both make the decision. He had previously told me he couldn’t have children so his initial reaction was “Keep the baby, this could be my only chance”. But once this settled down and he realised how wrong this was, he came to my front door and screamed at me to have a termination. I was only 15, I was still at school and I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother yet.

No body wants to get a termination but sometimes it’s needed. My parents were supportive with whichever decision I made. I spent a couple of weeks deciding what to do. So we went to a clinic near London and I had the termination. This decision hurt, as it would anyone. It was honestly the hardest decision I’ve ever made but I don’t regret it. I had the best intentions for myself & the life inside me. I’ll never forget it & even now I still have the scan notes. At one point that group of cells was a part of me.

The termination causes you to have a three week long, heavy period. While I was experiencing this, I was off school. I received a message from Martin saying something along the lines of “I’m sorry about shouting at you the other day, I’m on my way over with food and films.”

The next post can potentially be very triggering so please be aware when you read it.

With regards to a termination, if you have any comments or questions feel free to message me on instagram. I will be more than happy to answer them. This was a very difficult time in my life but I feel expressing what has happened to me, can help others speak out & get support.

I’m always a message away!

Instagram: meganappsx

Megan x

My Story

My Story: Year 10 (Part 2)

Please do not read if you are inconsiderate, judgemental or if this has a possibility of triggering you.

A quick recap:

It was in March of 2016 on a Friday. I met Martin for the first time. We went to a private garden where I lived and we just spoke.

The next day, on Saturday, he came to my house for the first time. I met him half way between my house and the house he room rented in. We spoke, watched films and ate the huge bag of walkers crisps he got from Sainsburys on the way. He was trying to win a holiday or something with the different codes on the packets. I showed him round and did the usual, I showed him my bedroom. (Without the intention of anything happening.) He kissed me and said “How does it feel kissing a 19 year old?” I laughed and pulled away thinking it was merely a joke. He grabbed my hand, told me he was in love with me. I did like him but it wasn’t love. We had sex. I didn’t particularly want to but I gave consent. I was genuinely scared he would leave me. I was still in a rough place and I needed his support. That doesn’t justify it though and I really wish I just told him to ‘eff off. He told me he used a condom but I was way too awkward to watch him put it on or even look at it. My eyes were closed the entire time. He left after this.

A few weeks had past and it was the end of March/ beginning of April. He came over again and we had sex again. Same reasons as the first time, although that does not make it correct.

Around 5 weeks had past, it was May. I ended up violently puking for a week or so, so my mum took me to A & E. As a routine thing they did a few tests, including a pregnancy test. This is how I found out I was pregnant. At 15.

This is a short blog but the next story is a long, difficult and potentially triggering one. It’ll be in part 3.

Megan x