Everyone knows what PTSD is, it’s an anxiety disorder caused by a traumatic event… but cPTSD is slightly different. Its full name is complex post-traumatic stress disorder. – It’s the same as PTSD but the event was prolonged/it was a series of events. So for me, it’s everything, the abortion, the rape, the statutory rape, the emotional manipulation. It includes most symptoms of PTSD and some more. Everyone’s PTSD/cPTSD is different. We all experience different things for different reasons. We don’t have to be war veterans to get PTSD.
The PTSD symptoms I regularly get are:
Nightmares/Re-experiencing – Sometimes every night, sometimes every other night, I get horrendous night terrors. Each dream is the assault but slightly different, sometimes a different location, different clothes, I’ve even had different people. I’ve been having them for a few months now, they got worse during the summer when I started having sex again.
Avoiding – I tend to avoid people, things and places which remind me of the assault. I try not to going a certain town in my area otherwise it brings on a panic attack. Hearing certain names makes me panic too. It never used to be like this, its gotten much worse recently.
Hyper vigilance – Which means I struggle to relax. So (for me) that leads to awful insomnia, and a short temper (which is under control now) And whenever I go out in public I’m constantly watching and looking incase something happens, I’m always on high alert.
I hope this has helped you understand exactly what cPTSD is and what I go through on a daily basis, considering I’m always getting asked. But life is tough dealing with it each day. Treatment started on Tuesday, so I’ll start to feel better soon. I’m taking anti-anxiety sedative medication to help me sleep. The nightmares are still there though. Part of me feels like they’ll always be there, but I still have faith the treatment will help!
Having PTSD or trauma, doesn’t make you mental and it doesn’t make you insane, it makes you human. I’m still more than capable of looking after my little girl – PTSD is just something I need to sort out. My experiences made me who I am & shaped me into this strong & powerful individual. Your trauma does the same for you.❤️