blog

What happened.

Lewis Evans; where do I start?

Before he & I were in a relationship, before we even saw each other on a romantic level, he was disgusting. He was rude, arrogant and outright nasty to me. I had a HUGE crush on him and he would lead me on and then drop me when it suited him. He loved the attention and loyalty I gave him but he never returned the favour.

Anyways, we then got into a relationship and it was great at first. Really good. Then I found out he was in a relationship with another girl when we were first together. Red flag. I forgave him.

The relationship progressed and we grew closer and he became a massive part of my family. He lived with us. This is because he had problems with his family at home, he didn’t want to go home to his dad so we let him practically move in with us. We treated him as if he was blood, which was a mistake. The amount my family did for him and gave him was crazy. They took him on massive days out, he spent Christmas with us, New Year’s, my parents literally treated him like a son. It was lovely. My mum even rewrote his CV and got him a well paid job.

But that’s when it started going down hill. He started to expect the stuff we did for him. He was lazy, didn’t help out at home, he could barely get out of bed in the morning for a breakfast I was cooking. I understand wanting a lay in on the weekend, but there’s a level of respect you have. 1pm is not a respectable time to get out of bed for breakfast. He knew he was lazy, he said it like it was a good thing. He was arrogant and just sat playing on his phone 90% of the time, even during conversations. He contributed nothing and expected everything, without any appreciation.

Now onto the subject of Iris; he was helpful at the start. I never expected him to be there for iris in the way he was and I appreciate what he did because he helped me fully recover after a traumatic labour. However as time progressed, he didn’t do anything and expected praise for it. I’m her mother so I do everything for her, I don’t expect anyone to help me but if you don’t help me, don’t expect me to say thank you. When I cooked him dinner, he used to call me to give iris a dummy when he had her and the dummy. YET still expected a “thank you so much for being there for her”. People saw him as an incredible man doing me a favour when he didn’t do me a favour, he added to my stress most of the time. Social media and photos can be deceiving. I will never get a boy involved with Iris again, not until I’ve been with him for a substantial amount of time. Major learning curve.

He never treated me like a girlfriend, never would hold my hand, wrap his arm around me or anything. All he ever did was rip the absolute shit out of me, which is fine to an extent. Calling me fat in front of all my friends is crossing the line. He made my friends uncomfortable, the way he spoke to me and the way he treated me. He used to tell me to go to the gym and start slimming world and ‘better’ myself. When I love me for who I am.

We had our fair share of arguments and ‘break ups’ (which lasted 5 seconds) but everything always sorted itself out in the end. He made me feel like I had mental health issues, he made me feel like I needed to seek help because the way I was acting wasn’t normal. Is it not normal to pull someone up on their shit? But it was never over the top or excessive.

It became a toxic relationship. We never went out because he didn’t want to, we ended up being the old married couple that stayed in all the time.

Since we split, I found out that he had been cheating on me. He continues to deny it but the amount of people that have told me something’s been going on with him & someone else, is too much to ignore. His shift at work ended at 9, and he’d ‘stay for a pint’ and come home to me for 12. None of it ever made sense until someone told me something that made everything add up.

I’m not saying I was an angel. Not in any way. And I’m not say he was the devil, because he wasn’t.

I pulled him out of a difficult situation, I supported him, helped him, I was loyal even when times got tough because I loved him with all my heart. I did what any loving girlfriend would do.

What he did to me was wrong. Towards the end he treated me awfully and because of this I got upset and angry fairly often, understandable right? No. Because of my ‘unreasonable outbursts’ that’s why we split. Not because of his vile behaviour, but because of me getting upset with it.

Lewis Evans was a nice person and a good friend to me. Unfortunately I shouldn’t have made the mistake of taking the friend stage further because we continued being friends, friends that kissed every so often.

This post isn’t to slag him off, it’s to get people to stop messaging me and asking what’s happened.

I’ve been getting at least 10-15 messages a day asking what’s happened because our relationship was so public.

If you have any more questions please keep them to yourself, I don’t want to know anymore. I’ve moved on completely now, I thought it would be worse. It’s been pretty easy, sadly. Considering this was a relationship I gave everything to and it’s ended so disappointingly.

I’ve learnt my lesson, don’t take boys out of the friend zone, don’t let boys get involved with your child too quickly and don’t ever let boys walk over you.

And lastly, don’t go for boys, go for men😂

I loved Lewis, there’s no denying that. I loved him with all my heart, whether that was as a friend or boyfriend, I’m unsure. I’m struggling to figure out if I loved him or his company, if I’m grieving over him or his company. It sounds so horrible but I think I got used to having his company, I fell out of love with him during the relationship. I’m not saying that to be the bitter ex, I’m saying that because after two weeks of being split, I don’t feel a thing. I’m not sad, upset, angry or anything. I was sad a couple days after but that’s it. That makes me think I just loved his company.

If you even have one doubt about a man, trust your gut. That shit is not meant to be.

Lewis won’t be seeing Iris. He has no rights to her and he didn’t play a fatherly role. She has a father. He was my boyfriend that played with her every so often so why should he see her? He walked out my house with all his stuff one day and didn’t give me or her a second thought.

I won’t be bringing my blog back to life. I don’t know if I ever will, maybe one day. I just wanted to address this and I knew this would be the most effective way of doing so.

A quick thanks to all my friends who have stuck by me and got me out of the rut of no self confidence I was in. I appreciate & love you lot so much.

Megs x

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